The love story during the war

(1945 – 1975)

The Legacy of the Vietnamese boat people

Post by Sơn râu 28 Oct 2026

Câu chuyện này trong quyển sách (The Legacy of the Vietnamese boat people của Lê Quang Vinh) không thấy tên tác giả. Hình ảnh trong câu chuyện cũng trong đó, tôi không rõ là chuyện thật hay hư cấu. Nhưng đọc thấy hay và cảm động nên post lên đây để chia sẻ với các bạn.

The most immediate effect of the Việt Nam War was the staggering death toll. The war killed an estimated 2 million Vietnamese civilians. 1.1 million North Vietnamese troops. 2000,000 South Vietnamese troops,

58,000 U.S troops and 521 Australian troops. Those wounded in combat numbered tens of thousands more.

‘If it there is an afterlife, please do not say sorry!

The first time I had met him, I was 16 years old, I was a little girl, long hair and had innocent life. One day my father took one young American home, and introduced to my family he is my father’s assistant. He looks at me without a brink eyes …

I was bloated and asked him: ‘Have I got something wrong …? He was shy and awkward and spoke very soft: I am sorry! I don’t know why he was attracted by me and bewildered. I was phlegmatic, and don’t keep an eye on the American who is my father’s colleague. After that he asked my father to rent a room on the top of the building, we were living the same house, but I thought he was my father friend, he is an old man therefore, I never thought we are friends. After that I asked my father, I have known he was 24 years old, he came from Washington DC, when he first graduated from university, he was appointed to Việt Nam.

Although he was crestfallen with Vietnamese society, but it was very interesting he spoke Vietnamese very fluently like he was training in the school very well. He is reticent and had a solemn character. But every time he saw me, he was embarrassed and had a red face. I was naughty, I wanted to trick him. One day during dinner I took one round red chili and put in my mouth and tell him: ‘It is delicious …! ‘ And I asked him to try like me …

He thought that this was true, he followed me, put one red chili in his mouth and had a crispy chewing. But he was choking, caught and crying. I released a hot chili and laughing, He was very hot, seemed to be angry, he took a cup of water and drank whole lots. In that evening I could not see him come down, I felt sorry, I asked my younger brother to take one glass of soy milk in order to apologize, but my brother came back and said that he was not in the room, he had gone outside. I waited for him and looking at his face will see what’s happened. But many days he was not coming home. I hear my father tell my mum he’s gone for his commissioning. Over one week I had not seen him, I felt missing, I thought that the reason he was not coming home, was because I was naughty to despite him. I felt guilty …The following week he came home, stepped in the house and saw me, he pretended he was not seeing me, he took his suitcase and went straight upstairs, from that time he keeps quiet and frigid, he made me very self-love. One day I was studying a private lesson for my Baccalaureate Examination at night. On the way home from Nguyen Hue Street to travel home was far, nearby home at the corner before turning to my Street, it was dark, my bicycle was broken, I held the bicycle and walked home, I fear ghosts, I walked and was shaking. Suddenly he drove a Jeep passed me, but he realized it was me, he reversed the car, he helped to take my bicycle into his Jeep and take me home. On the way home he did not speak to me and I didn’t ask him too. Until we arrived home. He turned to me and gingerly asked me: ‘Why you hate me like that?’

I answered: ‘I am not hating you at all.’ He looked at my eyes and said:’ Why you wanted me to cry, and you were laughing?’

I fell blankness. I say thank you, and got in the house, let him amazed look following me It was a strange night, I could not sleep, I saw his eyes like two stars flickered in front of my face, this is the first time I could not sleep by a boy. Next morning, before I go to school, I want to wait to see him, but I could not see him, after school I returned home, also I did not meet him. My father said he had to travel back to the United States for an important mission. Many days he wasn’t at home, I felt a person lost soul, I went in and out of the house, I could not sleep …

When he came back and stepped in the house, I was so happy in my heart, my eyes caught his eyes, I was talkative and asked him many questions. He dropped his suitcase sat down and kindly and asked me: ‘Do you miss me?’ The suddenly question, He made me shamefaced, red faced … like the thief caught red-handed! I shied and find the way to get out to see him. My birthday 17th years old, I invited some friends to come, we had a good party, chatting and laughing very noisily. In the evening my friends all went home. I went back to level 2 at my room, I saw him standing there, in the dark, he handed a bunch of roses, then he quietly disappeared I held the bunch of roses, I was nervous to go back to my room, the whole night I looked at the roses, I looked at the soft velvet rose petals, they are so beautiful! I opened a small card he had written:

‘Dearest my love.

First time I had met you, you are so beautiful like a portrait. Second time to meet you, you look like a mischievous cat. Third time to meet you, the cat has stolen my heart.

Now, where do I ask you to leave my heart?

I would like you return my heart … ‘

Oh my God! What can I do? I Finished reading the letter, my face is pale. Another night I toss. Of and turn all night, I wake up in the morning dare not come out of the room, I meet him, what will I answer?

My love story was happening like that; it was lovely and gentle. That year I passed distinction Baccalaureate. My parents were so proud of me and supported me to apply for a scholarship to study overseas.

One early morning on the beginning of 1975, the American friend went to MACV at Tân Sơn Nhất Air Force Base for an urgent meeting, then he was not coming back. The whole American Diplomatic personnel had an order to withdraw out of South Viet Nam. These details I never knew, I was anxiously waiting for him, and blamed him for leaving without saying goodbye …!

The fall of Sai Gon in 1975. The Communists took my father to prison somewhere we didn’t know, they confiscated our house, my dream of studying aboard is broken. My mother, my younger brother and sister and me had to move to the street for sleeping in and live on different verandas each night. My whole family scattered like the last autumn leaves. I was distressed for a while. Finally, my mother moved to small street and rented a room for the four of us living day by day. My mother made sponge cakes for me to go out to sell on the streets in order to raise my young brother and sister. After two years selling cakes on the streets.

I have noticed one communist army bought several sponge cakes daily, he tried to make friend with me, sometimes I felt comfortable and have a rest at the bottom of a banyan tree in front of his barracks. One day he asked me, if he can get married to me. I went home and dare not to ask for permission from my Mum, it took me more than two months and one night I took a deep breath and told my Mum the story of the young Northern communist soldier that has asked to married me. My Mum told me that she is worried one day that man will do something wrong to me and make her feel embarrassment. She told me I must ask him carefully and make sure he loves and protects me and I may have a chance look after my brother and sister. Because my mother is getting old and tired and cannot making sponge cakes anymore!

My family was very poor I had to get married, I had to leave my mother and brother and sister with tears and come to live with my husband’s family, at the beginning and have had a happy life for a while. My family-in-law is a person with meritorious services to the Communist Revolution. Therefore, he confiscated a good house from a Southern Officer with a two stories home, he is a quiet man, she smokes a big rustic tobacco and drinking rice wine every day. However, I have met a harsh mother-in-law that exhausted me mentally and physically. I had to wakes up from six o’clock to feed six pigs, cleaning up pigs’ breeding facilities, washing up clothes for my parents’ in-law, cooking for 4 people in the house, my mother-in-law taught me how to cook, even I have never known how to cook before, the ways of cooking from the North is very different form the south. One day my mother-in-law asked me to pass her a spoon, she told me a ‘Cai mui’ I did not understand, I had to asked her for three times. She went to take ‘Cái muong’. Some languages in the North are different from the South, Especially the accents from the North, I have to learn slowly the family culture. She insulted me; said I was coming from an uneducated family. I was crying and felt very bad.

Before the dinners I had to wait and invite parents in law, sister and brother to eat first, after dinner only me can wash up the dishes, I had to make clothes for the whole family, I finished my work at 8pm every day. I went to bed utterly exhausted. I am not allowed to go back to visit my mother! I am disappointed in my husband, because he is very afraid of his mother, he is not protecting me. Although I am pregnant, but I have to work hard the whole day like a servant. My mother-in-law came from Hà Nội. She was a bit disseminating against the Southerners. She often complains to me that the Southerners were living with American support, therefore, they are lazy and don’t know how to work hard like the Northerners! I felt ashamed, my husband and I had some resentment and the love between husband-and-wife fades. Even the birth of my daughter can’t save the difficult situation. My mother-in-law is always keeping an eyes on me and notices every little thing I have done and catches my errors and criticizes. I feel lonely in my family in law, I felt so miserable and can’t stand anymore. One day I told my husband I want to divorce! One day I decided to take my little girl to visit my mother, young brother and sister. We are so happy to see each other. My mother told me that, when she received my father’s letter after two years in the prison, she decided to sell her wedding ring and travel to visit my father, she just came back from the North to visit my father in a Re-Education Camp in Yên Bai Mountain. My father told my mother that: ‘He was very sorry, he didn’t let me get married with American, he did ask him to take the whole family to go with him, my father advised my mother. ‘If any chance the family can escape from Việt Nam to travel to overseas, anywhere have freedom better to live under Vietnamese Communist! Because he never knows when he could release from the prison!’

My father also told my mother that: On the 29th of April 1975, the American friend rang my father, asked the whole family to take refuge, he will organize for the trip to America, but my father refused to go! Finally, he asked my father for permission to get married to me in order to take me with him, but my father never agreed for his daughter to get married with an American! I felt sorry for him, and I loved him dearly, I was crying with my mother. I don’t want to return to my family-in-law. Even our family were very poor, but we are happy together. After a while one strange man came to my mother’s house and handed over an envelope with some U.S Dollars and my friend’s address and his phone number in America. I hold the envelope with tears, I don’t know what to do, but I kept a secret his phone, and sometimes I took out the envelope to have a look, but my heart is so sad and remember his face with love.

One day my husband finds me and visited my mother. He said that he understood my situation having to live under his harsh family. My husband tries to insist me to come back to his house and comfort me by secretly telling me that. He knew some organizer to build the boats in order to escape from Long Hai – Vung Tàu to travel to the Pacific Ocean and they get to Malaysia. I asked him how he know? He told me that his Military Unit have caught many of them. And the organizer asked my husband, if he wanted to escape, he will  organize the other secret place is very safe, with one condition that my husband has to let him out of the jail, he swears and begs my husband to help him, he promises never to forget my husband’s benefactor.

I believe my husband and accepted to go back to my family-in-law’s house. Time’s gone and I was pregnant again. I feel very ill although I was pregnant seven months my belly was very small, my body is as thin as a stick, sometimes I look at the mirror and I can’t recognize my face, where is the beautiful, cheerful and active girl of the past? One night my husband came back. My husband’s family whispered about crossing the border. My mother-in-law wants to leave me and my daughter behind; my husband will go with her family. But my husband refused, he said if we escape, we must all go together. If it is not successful, we all die in the Ocean. It was the first time I saw my husband so determined! In the end my mother-in-law had to give in. One artemon my father-in-law and my husband wear the Communist uniform and the whole family travel to Vung Tàu to look like we were going for a holiday.

Some checkpoints on the way to Vung Tau stopped the car and asked. My father -in-law and my husband show them their Communist ID; the checkpoints saluted them and lets us go through. In the early next morning about 1 o’clock we went to the appointment place in Long Hai and boarding to a fishing boat. After the boat went out of Vung Tau Ocean. The captain of the boat told all of the people on the boat: ‘If someone in the boat are wearing Communist Uniform and have your gun. You should throw them in the Ocean, otherwise we arrive in Free Countries, they would not accept you are refugees.’

My father-in-law and my husband took off their uniforms and threw them in the sea, even they threw their communist IDs too. We set sail for about two days and nights. Our boat was hit by a storm. The big waves seemed to hit the boat into the Ocean several times … We pray so hard to Buddha, Jesus Christ and our ancestors please rescue us from the storms. Fortunately, when the waves subsided, the tattered boat was still moving slowly. But three days later the boat’s engine was broken, fishing, and drinking water, no food left, the boat is floating on the Ocean without direction … my lips are cracked and bleeding, I was exhausted and was in a coma for some days. It seems like I will never wake up. In my dream, I see myself returning to my youth, playful and carefree with an American friend who is so innocent and romantic dying the whole blue sky. It looks like a good dream has given me a little more energy. I found myself opening my eye and looking at my little daughter sleeping on my stomach and the baby in my womb is stirring. Maybe, it’s because of the beautiful dream that makes me increase my will I have to live stronger. Finally, our boat was recusing while I fell into a coma again! I don’t know how long … When I woke up, I found myself lying in a strange hospital.

My mind was confused. Thought native nurse. I know this is an Island in Malaysia. I know I’ve reached the shore of freedom. But because I was too weak, I fell into a coma again. Before I fainted, I don’t understand why subconsciously like a last word, I pulled out his address and phone numbers in the hem of my shirt to give the nurse and asked her send the telegram and say I am in trouble here …

Next morning, in the moment of death and death, the fetus has symptoms of premature birth, but I am too weak. The doctor is worried whether he can save the mother and child? In my trance I heard my husband’s cry and felt my daughter’s small hand caressing my cheek. I felt like I have been revived again, I can hear vaguely the Doctor decided I have to have a caesarean operation. After two days unconscious, I open my eyes slowly like a dream come true, he is the man of my pass days, he still thin and tall, look haggard and pale, his brown hair be in a stir and a jumble. Two blue eyes were not bright like two stars before. The reason is that after he had received a telegraph, he contacted the United High Commissioner to clarify her address, he couldn’t sleep …

The express flights took him to this little Island, now he looks at me a skinny and exhausted, unconscious in the bed. Before he decided to come here, he never imagined I had got married, one baby and another baby nearly born. He stood there, painfully and felt unhappy and emotional. He pinches his hands many times in order to think that; it’s not a dream! These suffer great misery minutes has gone. He discussed with the Doctor and talked to my husband, he introduces roughly himself to my husband and he contacted the big hospital and asked for help. On that day, he organized a helicopter take me to a hospital in Kuala Lumpur, with the best facilities. I have been rescued and alive and my little baby was born. He knew both me and my baby had overcome a dangerous ordeal and we were alive. He feels so happy and boisterous. He stood outside the glass of the labor room looking at a little baby that was born early, she looks like a cat moving in a glass cage.

He loves her like his own daughter, he asks her husband can he become her God Father for a little baby. Before he returns to America, the first time we were talking directly in the hospital, when my spirit was vigilant. Next to my hospital bed, looking at me was paled and skinny! With his love eyes like thousands words he wants to say, but he knew lots of things he needs to hold back for himself. I looked at moved and fired by his solicitous care. Grateful. These thoughts were not enough I have engraved in my heart, maybe like him, I could not speak and express myself, I asked myself … try to forget! Both our eyes were deeply loves like the Ocean. I have only said ‘I am sorry!’

‘There is on innermost feelings whole life keeps secret. Like sea-weed we’re sinking deeply in the Ocean.

There are an innermost feeling whole life keeps silence. When we disappear still have some compassion!

Before leaving home, he handed over an envelope to my husband, inside with numbers of cash. My husband self-respectful refused to accept, but he insisted my husband has to accept, he said: ‘Please accept like I have lent it to you, in the future you can make money and return to me.’

Four months later he had sponsored my whole family to settle down in California, USA. Two years later I ‘had another boy. Three children are growing up. I have an uneventful life; the wind and waves of my life are settled down. Each year every Christmas and New Year he always sent cards and gifts to my family. But we are not talking together. I felt it could be a good life. I think that it could be ‘A dream has gone’. I went back to school to study my Bachelor of Computer Science; my husband and I had a stable life. The sum of money 3 thousand dollars we returned to him after three years we settled down in California. The depth of money I can return. But how about a burden of love? One thing I wonder why he has not gotten married. Over 40 years old, but was he still single. His job is traveling a lot, and he devoted himself to his job and enjoyed with his business …

His mother sometimes spoke to me through the phone, she loves me like her daughter, although she never met me. However, she knew me through the photo of me and him in his room. These things she has told me, my heart was broken, I was crying and through her, I knew the whole of his life in U.S. I asked her to call her a mother; my children called her grandmother. One autumn evening, she rang me and said: he is very sick. I want to visit him, but I was very busy with my job. Besides, for dedicate reasons I can’t visit him right away. I can only send him a beautiful flowers vase to him in the hospital. On the day of discharge from hospital, I rang him and was very weak we couldn’t talk much. His mum spoken to me and crying:’

Do you know that? Relatives, Friends and his Colleagues send plenty of flowers to his hospital, when he discharged, he was sitting on the wheelchair, he is just holding only your flowers, and he placed your flowers vase on top of his bed … ‘I was crying none stop.

Two years later, while I was working, his mother rang and report that he is dying, his heart surgery failed! I quit my job to visit him, travel with me I took my second daughter, the one he was the God Father of in Malaysia, watching him flickering on the hospital bed, I was crying like never crying before. I cry for my love. I mourn for the man who loves me with sincerity and never resting. He never asked me for anything. In a rare moment of sobriety. He calmly looked at me with loving eyes … He smiles and told me don’t be sad, life was born and death. He thanks God for letting him meet me and love me. I’m painfully and choking, I can only say one sentence: ‘1 am sincerely sorry.’

His eyes are blue, with a loving look, He gathered all his strength and gently told me that: ‘If it is there is a hereafter, please do not say sorry!

He took his last breath and was gone. His funeral was on an early winter day … so sod … He passed away at the age of 46.

I am back to normal life. This word since his absence, but in my heart, he has a place that my life will never forget! Three months after his funeral, I have received a letter from a Lawyer, a chance for me to visit his mother. She has aged much after the death of her son. One day I opened his will, I have known my three children have each part of his property left. This money will have supported my children will complete University. Late afternoon lights, I sit next to his tomb, I whisper words of love that I couldn’t say when he was alive. Following the wind, I sent you the love, I wish the hereafter to have the love with him, and also wish to meet him again in the heaven …

In my ears, I heard him whispering: ‘If, there is hereafter, please do not say sorry.